Sunday Smash- Week 5

Well, it's now or never. A quarter of the way through the season, the only way I can sum up my NFL picks so far is with the first 35 seconds of this trailer. It's all there. I tried the no-nonsense picking strategy, I tried the pick-with-your-gut strategy. And in recent weeks, I have tried the prayerful strategy. Nothing has worked. A paltry 2-3 last week; when anything less than 4-1 was not an option. Even the bread-and-butter Giants almost missed their big cover over the Chiefs. Scary stuff. But this week will be different. This first quarter of the season is done, finished. Out of sight, out of mind. In honor of week 5, we are going 5-0. Simple as that. Just cover, baby. Note: No Jets pick here today, as they are the Monday night game. We will get to them tomorrow.

1. Raiders (+16) over Giants
No, this is not the Upset Perfiction of the Week, as Oakland will not come close to winning this game outright. This is however, too big of a spread for the current Giants situation. Eli Manning has an injury with a very complex name that is better known as 'heel ouchy.' If he plays (an it looks that way) the Giants will probably use caution and rest him once this game hits double digits late. Raiders barely cover and perhaps take a moral victory, which is pretty much all they are gunning for this season.

2. Panthers (-5) over Redskins
The absolute lock of the week. My eyes bulged open when I saw this line. It blows my mind that Washington (2-2) is a .500 team, and the Panthers are now officially in 'save the season' mode. Carolina is coming off their bye week and are ready to free themselves of the 'most disappointing NFL team' conversation. The Redskins mail it in during the second half and Carolina steamrolls. Gotta have this one.

3. Bengals (+9) over Ravens
Yeah, I pick the Bengals way too much. I have a man-crush on all 53 of them. Yes, they contributed to my 2-3 record last week with that abomination against Cleveland, but I am certain they have been discipined accordingly for that. I don't care what the opponent is...Cincinnati is too good this year to be spotted 9 points against anyone. Baltimore is home and it will get ugly, but these divisional games are always closer than they should be (I.E. Browns-Bengals last week.) This game won't be decided by 10 or more.

4. Broncos (+3) over Patriots
I'm coming after you again, New England. I made a silly move by picking a non-mojo'd Atlanta team on the road against you. You made me pay. I responded by lulling you into false security and taking you over the Ravens. And it worked. If Kevin O'Connell can supposedly give the Jets enough intel to take down the Pats, what on earth will be the impact of Josh McDaniels? Should the Pats just forfeit? I'm still positive that the Broncos are not a good team. But the Pats' one game on the road so far (@NYJ) they didn't seem too comfy. At all. I'm taking the 3 with fingers crossed.

Upset Perfiction of the Week

5. Browns (+6) over Bills

A part of me wonders if Roger Goodell will find a way to black out this game across the nation. He will find some sort of bogus loophole that prevents all of America from watching this game. An innocent fan's eyes should be shielded from this quality of football at all costs. The starting quarterbacks are Trent Edwards and Derek Anderson, who combined on the year have just over 1,100 passing yards and 6 touchdowns. These numbers are similar to middle-of-the-road Houston quarterback Matt Schaub combined with...well, me. In a game like this, 6 points is as valuable as 60 points. Cleveland gets the win outright.

Enjoy the games everyone. See you tomorrow for the Mash.